Decoding

Communication - no wonder it's so complicated - we encode things.  We learn about it in networking class, encryption class, in computing theory, in linguistics, in religion.

 

     So, we send another person a message - it can be a straightforward direct message or we may be sending a message "between the lines".   And children learn it early on - so we're sending all these encoded messages - but on the receiving end, we're left with needing to decode the messages.  We encode them for all sorts of reasons.  Some of it is cultural, some within families, some political.

 

   So, the mom may say "gee, the garbage is piling up"  What she means is "please, take out the garbage; that's your job".   So, it can be a gentler way to state a command.  Or, "would you like to take out the garbage?" - but the answer could be "no, not really".

 

   "Would you like a tic tac?"  can be interpretted "That breath could knock over a walrus!"

   "Cozy cottage for sale."  could mean "This fixer-upper is SMALL."

 

    This week we had a little family communication crisis.  I said, "Would you like to babysit?"

It might look like a direct communication.  But,  it was decoded "You don't want me to come along".

Was it a direct communication?  Yes, but it did have some hidden message in it - but the hidden message was "I trust you, I know you can handle a big responsibility".

 

      Well, thanks to some maturity on all parts we got it straightened out & it had to do with the frame of reference of both parties at the time.  So are there some lessons here?  Well, hmm... on the surface you could say, "be more direct", "don't take things at face value", or "don't read things into it".   But I guess what is best (on the receiving end) is checking into it - "Is this what you meant?"  or on the sending end "I have a compliment for you"  or "May I make a suggestion."   I guess the encodings & decodings are to soften messages & make us feel less vulnerable - or they can be ways of saying things people wouldn't have the nerve or good manners to say.  If it is serious, we may need to get help if we can't be direct.

 

      Not everyone will like us.  But some people will love us.  Moral of the story - "Check it out".

And in sending our messages - "Is it true, Is it necessary, Is it kind?" can be our guide.